Exploration into Insight

K: That is holistic. But she asked a much more complex question in regard to the holistic brain which contains the past, the totality of the past, the essence of the past, the juice of it, sucking in everything of the past. What does that mean? The past is nothing, but such a brain can use the past. I wonder if you follow this. My concern is with one's life, actual, daily, fragmentary, stupid life. And I say, `Can that be transformed?' Not into greater satisfaction. Can that structure end itself? Not by an imposition of something higher which is just another trick. I say if you are capable of observing without the observer, the brain can transform itself. That is meditation. Sir, the essence is the whole. In fragmentation, there is no essence of anything.

P: What one does in observing is a different issue. We are talking of that nature of energy which brings about the momentum. Now I am saying the momentum is the very nature and structure of the `I' which is caught in becoming.

K: No, you do eliminate that `I'. How do you observe? In what manner do you observe this stream? Do you observe it as the `I', observing? Or, is there observation of the stream only?

P: There is no seeing of this movement. I have been observing while this discussion has been going on and I say: What does it mean to register the fact? I am listening, you are listening. Obviously, if my listening is directed to the word, which is coming out of me, I register, and this very movement outward throws it back. But if the eyes and the ears are seeing and listening, but still, then they take in without any registration.

K: Can you hold, can the brain hold this momentum, or is it an idea that it is momentum? You follow what I mean? Listen to it carefully. Is the momentum actual or is it an idea? If it is an idea, then you can hold the idea about the momentum. But, if it is not an idea, a conclusion, then the brain is directly in contact with the momentum. I wonder if you follow. And therefore, it can say: `All right, I will watch.' It is watching, it is not allowing it to move. Now, is it the word you are holding on to, or are you observing this vast movement? Look, you are the vast movement. When you say you are that vast movement, is it an idea?

K: I said, remove the word `K', and observe the form. That is all. Of course, you are observing. I am limiting it to just the form. Are you observing the form?

P: Yes. I am observing the form.

P: Please listen, sir, when I say there is just observing, then the form is part of the whole observing field. I am observing, not only you, I am observing.

K: You can. Now, you are already observing the form, you have removed the word `K' and you are observing the form.

P: We are observing. I don't say we are observing the form.

K: Then, what are you observing?

P: You see, sir, the moment you say `I am observing the form', there has to be naming.

K: What do you mean by `investigate'? Can I investigate, can the centre investigate? You watch the film at the cinema. You are not identifying with it; you are not part of it; you are merely observing.

S: What is it that is observing without identifying?

A: I would say that when you say that `I' is the source and the centre of disorder, or the centre is the source and it is disorder, that is a fact for me. When you say that if there is no centre observing that disorder -

K: No. I asked: Who is observing the disorder? Achyutji, see this. There is no consciousness of order. And that is the beauty of order.

P: I ask that question and in observing the movement of the `I', I find that it is not something as factual as the chair or the table or the body. In itself it has no existence.

K: Seeing, observing the whole movement of the centre to the circumference, from the circumference to the centre, that movement is `what is'.

K: It won't be disastrous. My intelligence, looking at all the actions in the field of the known, observing them, paying attention to them, my intelligence asks this question. Intelligence is in operation now.

The image that thought has created is `me'. The `me' is the image. There is no difference between `me' and the image. The image is me. Now, I am observing the image which is me, which is, say, `I want to attain nirvana,' which means I am greedy. That is all. Instead of wanting money, I want the other thing. It is greed. So I examine greed. What is greed? `The more'? That means I want to change what is into the more, the greater. Therefore that is greed. So I say: `Now why am I doing this?' `Why do I want more?' is it tradition, habit, is it the mechanical response of the brain? I want to find out. Either I can find out with one glance or step by step. I can observe it with one glance only when I have no motive, for motive is the distorting factor. It is most interesting to know yourself because yourself may be the universe, - not the theoretical universe but the global universe. I want to know myself because I see very clearly that if I do not know myself, whatever I say is meaningless, is corrupt - not just verbally, I see that it is corruption. My action is corrupt action and I do not want to live a corrupt life. I see I must know myself. To know myself I watch; I watch my relationship to you, to my wife, to my husband. In that watching I see myself reflected in that relationship. I want my wife because I want sex; I want her comfort; she looks after my children; she cooks; I depend on her. So, in my relationship to her, I discover the pleasure principle, the attachment principle and the comfort principle and so on. Am I observing it without the past, without any conclusion? Is my observation precise? The moment one says `Be a light to yourself, all authority is gone including the authority of the Gita, the gurus, the ashramas. The question would be really interesting on its own. If I am a light to myself, what is my relationship politically, economically, socially? But you do not ask these questions. I am a light to myself - go on, work it out - I am a light to myself. I see that very clearly. I have no authority, no guide. Then how do I act with regard to tyranny, the tyranny of the guru, of the ashramas? To be a light to oneself means being holistic. Anything that is not holistic is corruption. A holistic man will not deal with corruption.

S: Then there is no problem because one observes certain symptoms of hurt. There is an observation of it and it ends. This process goes on, I do not need K's telling me about it. This I know; to observe something at that level, everything that is arising in consciousness, the observing of it and the subsidence.

K: No, I do not create anything. I am merely observing. The question is, what is the observer? - who is the observer? How do I observe this microphone? I observe it through a word that we have used to indicate that it is a microphone; it is registered in the brain as a microphone, as remembrance; I use that word to convey the fact of the microphone. That's simple enough.

K: That is what Pupul is asking. She says: How do I observe the observer? What is the process of observing the observer? I hear K say that the observer is the past. Is that so?